Hospital Stay - Patient in Room 349

"You always feel trapped biologically" - Ernest Hemingway: A Farewell to Arms

I - The Notification

Friday night just a routine blood test
And next day there's a cop at the door:
"Your doctor sent me - please get dressed
I'm here to take you to the hospital ER" -
Nervously I ask - "Did he say what for?"
"No, I'll be outside waiting in my car'"

II - At the ER

I check into the ER and slip into a gown.
An EKG shows nothing wrong with the heart
But my doctor is wearing a serious frown
And says I'm anemic - three pints down -
And orders blood transfusions to start -
Something is making me fall apart.

And on that note the process begins
As they call all of the specialists in
And transport me by elevator from floor to floor
For testing - but not yet knowing what they're looking for

Blood work - once, twice, three times a day
Endoscopy - colonoscopy
Bone marrow - kidney biopsy
Stomach MRI, - chest X-Ray
Tethered to and tangled in an web of IV tubes
Making it almost impossible to move

A series of questions: Do you smoke?
Drink? Or, ever have gout?
To which I reply: "No, no, no...
Just tell me - When will I get out?
I'd really like to go."

III - Life in room 349

Most of the time I sit in my room
Spending endlessly long afternoons
mindlessly flipping through the TV stations
Showing courtroom trash and Disney cartoons

So it's particularly nice when a visitor
unexpectedly walks through the door -
Friends from work who stay for a while
to see how you are and make you smile -
Especially when they come bearing gifts
Like Hershey bars and Orange Sunkist
(I know Dr. Cap - They're not on my list.)

As the days progress I make the best
Of the passing time by surfing the Net,
And eating my meals and taking my meds
And talking to the staff as they make up the beds
With nice clean white sheets and a pillow for my head.

I continue my stay in room 349
With the other bed vacant most of the time -
Then I get a new roommate who's somewhat remiss -
84 year old Frank - who's here to get both knees fixed,
But who's just been told - it will have to come later
For recent tests showed he needs a defibrillator

But in spite of his setback we hit it off great -
for it turns out we both like the Sara Lee cake
that the courtesy cart serves for dessert -
(After all we've been through - a little cake can't hurt.)
So we sit there each night and anxiously wait
For the cart to appear -hoping it won't be late!

And as for the meals that were served -
Hats off to the chef! - They were absolutely superb!
The only thing missing was a cocktail hour with hors d'oeuvres.
(And it certainly broke from the normal tradition
where the hospital food tastes like it was cooked by morticians.)

And when it's time to turn in for the night -
I jokingly say: "Goodnight Frank, isn't this the life!"
But Frank's already out like a light
Probably dreaming of his favorite show -
The Price Is Right
Where he's just been told to "Come on down to contestant's row"
As Drew Carey says -"Place your bids, please -
On this magnificent pair of wonderful new knees."

IV -The Diagnosis and Prognosis

Finally, after analyzing the test results,
And reviewing their pages and pages of notes
The diagnosis is in and I hope for the best
As the doctor explains the disease in detail -

I sit their quietly holding my breath
Seriously thinking about life and death
And hear what I have is extremely rare,
(Microscopic Polyangitis)
But the prognosis is good with the proper care
(And a little help from the man upstairs)

V - Hospital Release

When my doctor finally prepares my release -
And I'm able to stand back up on my feet -
I'm handed a list of several prescriptions
that will become a part of my daily regimen:
Cytoxen, Bactrim, Prednisone and Levemir insulin -
and hopefully put my disease into remission.

VI - Recognition

Now as for my occasional joking and poking in jest -
In all seriousness - Thank God for the nurses and doctors -
They were really the best!
I couldn't have asked for anything more
from the entire staff at Glen Cove North Shore!

PS

Well, maybe one little thing -
Can someone come up with a better design
An easier way to reach behind
And tie up those darn, hospital gown strings
So they securely cover up everything!