Candy Island

A long time ago, in 1902 to be precise, a woman named Candy Corner discovered an island – an island that was like no other island on earth. It was unique. Everything on this island was made of candy – the mountains, the rivers, and the trees – even the beaches. And there was only one season – mild – so nothing ever melted. Candy Corner like the island so much she named it after herself. She called it Candy Island. (I never said she was clever.)

For many years, Candy Corner lived alone (or as she would say – privately) and enjoyed all of the delicious varieties of candies, exotic and indigenous to the island. In the beginning, she cataloged each new species as she happened upon it and named it based on color, taste and fragrance. But after a while the task became tedious and Candy Corner settled for just exploring and tasting.

Remarkably, for all of the candy she ate, she never gained or lost an ounce. One morning, however, she woke with a terrific toothache. Moaning and groaning, she thought – “What this island needs is a really good dentist.” So, she put a note in a bottle, advertising for a good dentist, and threw it into the ocean and waited.

A few days later, a small steamship appeared on the horizon. A small launch made its way towards the island. Not one, but thirty-two dentists came ashore and offered their services. Thirty-two dentists extended their hands and offered their business cards. Not knowing which one to choose, Candy Corner selected one at random and had him fix her ailing tooth. In gratitude, Candy Corner declared the first island holiday and invited all of the dentists to stay. After all, she had thirty-two teeth and figured it was a good idea to have a different dentist to look after each tooth individually. So, she made them all specialists and gave them titles like Dr. Molar and Dr. Incisor based on the teeth they preferred to work on.

Now, with the problem of her teeth solved, Candy had no more worries. She could return to her explorations and candy tasting which, of course, kept the dentists very busy.

As time passed, and Candy Cane grew older, she needed help walking around. So she made a cane out of candy. This was the first candy cane. (Not too many people know this fact. Most people associate candy canes with Christmas.)

With the aid of the candy cane to get about, Candy Corner was again able to walk down to the ocean every morning to take her daily swim. (She found the salty seawater a refreshing change from the sweetness of the candy.) All of the dentists, smartly dressed in their doctor's coats, and with nothing else to do when there were no cavities to fill, followed behind her in single file and sat on the beach until she was done swimming.

Candy Corner was an excellent swimmer, but on this morning, something went terribly wrong. The waves tossed her wildly about. Frantically, she waved her arms in distress. She had eaten too much candy for breakfast and had not waited the recommended one-half hour before plunging into the frisky sea. She had candy cramps and was drowning. She cried out to the dentists on shore for help.

All thirty-two dentists stood frozen on the beach. Dressed in their white doctor’s coats and looking real sharp, they were useless in any emergency that had nothing to do with teeth. Whenever Candy Corner swallowed another mouthful of water, all they could yell out in unison was – “Rinse!” (Meaning, spit out the water.)

Finally, Dr. Molar had a brilliant idea. He threw Candy Corner a grape lifesaver. But Candy Corner just ignored it.

“You dummy!” exclaimed Dr. Incisor, “She hates grape. Her favorite flavor is cherry!”

So Dr. Molar threw a cherry lifesaver as far out into the ocean as he could. Candy tried to grab on to it, but she was so skinny she slipped through its center and was never seen again.

Sad at Candy Cane's untimely demise, and with no reason to remain on the island, the dentists radioed for a steamship to take them home.

News of the island quickly spread around the world and tourists from almost every known country and nationality began visiting the island. Unfortunately, most of the tourists that visited the island were nibblers. And in spite of the NO NIBBLING signs posted everywhere, they slowly nibbled the island down to nothing until it disappeared. (Today, an occasional piece of salt-water taffy, tangled in seaweed, will wash ashore somewhere.)

The only remaining map in existence is the one I have drawn form the memories of an old dentist I visited once – but I think he died recently.